Boundaries in dating cd
Usually the art of pushing and pulling and seduction are the domain of the commitment “phobe.” The answer dwells deeply in the family of origin survival patterns. People who are commitment phobic feel they need to cut off their feelings after a certain point of knowing someone as a means of feeling in control and feeling emotionally protected.Commitment phobia is something I see in my office often and happens to both women and men. This is often not conscious and going on at the deepest level of the sub consciousness.But, as soon as I get a whiff that she is starting to relax with me, be more human and real with me, I’m outta here!” We find out through the therapeutic process that this person has done this repeatedly and he suffers from loneliness yet he cannot move away from this pattern.Also be mindful that the commitment-phobic person is a born sales person in that they can spin a web and tell a story that is unparalleled.
The only reason they did not get to the actual wedding day (only to have him leave her standing alone at the alter) is because she finally woke up and started to piece together the commitment phobic symptomlogy he had been displaying.
His blowing hot and cold is about managing down your expectations of him and the relationship, but it is also about bringing the relationship back to FIVE – The Status Quo.
Now, we all know that we want a relationship that is a ten (or as close as possible) so much of our relationships are about getting him to change or revert back to the wonderful guy he was in the beginning, because if he does, we believe that we will get close to magic number ten. At the beginning, Mr Unavailable blows hot to reel you in.
After a while, when he realises that you love a bit of drama, he gives you just enough to feed the cookie monster but will rarely blow superhot again as he knows you’re not going anywhere (or at least that’s what he believes till I came along to throw a monkey wrench in the works! You use drama to create the relationship that you think you deserve. Whether it's figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you.
Commitment phobia is a very painful experience both for the one who engages in the pattern and for those who are involved with that person.